Love, or Pride?

i guess it really isn't easy to finally see for real that my parents are getting a divorce. the past weekend has been wad i would say a cry-er-full weekend.. been crying sporadically throughout the days and well.. i tink i needed it la.. like wad my jie and al's family say.. it's time to jus release it all and give it to God. i guess i've been keeping it all in for way too long and it was time that i jus got real and jus really cried. after all, divorce is a big thing and i need to tell myself that... so yesh.. space for crying.. i'm jus thankful that i got that.. =)

but despite all the crying.. it's been one big and great healing/recovery process.. and right now i feel as if i jus love God so so much! and it really takes revelation of the Cross and the power of His blood over my life to see that. i mean.. i've been trying to give it all to Him without letting Him work in me.. and ytd was the day it all happened. like for morning svc.. i got my dearest dearest meimei Dawn to help me take over lesson for CW cuz i jus felt lik ei couldn't minister to the kids with wad i was feeling and all.. and she did awesome for the lesson! so before lesson started downstairs i was up in the service worshipping God.. and it was so awesome.. worship really changes the way you look at things.. it really changes YOU. and i'll bet that's all God needs for Him to work in our hearts most of the time. but for me wad was particularly salient (oh don't u jus love the word) was that i saw the Cross as being the overarching authority over my life. and the Cross is really what being a Christian is about. Jesus is the One and Only connecting bridge and His sacrifice.. tt's wad joins us to God as our Father. and i guess it jus brought me back to basics and wow.. it brought such confidence that Jesus was really the overall power in my life despite all that's happened and is happening right now.. and i cried super much la.. it was like sobbing and all..

and i realize that i was being healed as i was crying my guts out.. heh.. so yeah.. embarrassing but much needed.. cuz i tink God works best in vessels that are jus totally surrendered to Him.. and i guess i needed to throw away my face as a leader/strong believer blah blah (which is silly cuz the only reason why we're all at church and in Christ is cuz we need Him and we admit we're weak) cuz sometimes we tend to build walls of perfection that need to come down first if God is to minister to us. and i guess that while that appears to be of strength in the world today, that really isn't true strenght cuz its jus the strength of man.. so yep.. crying fits throughout the day. heh!

afternoon outreach was another period of healing and as i was standing there listening to bro charles give the altar call.. i knew God wanted me to go up.. but i was jus so pride-full and i thot like.. nvm i'll jus stand in my seat and let God minister to me.. but this time i jus felt so so strongly that i needed to go up.. and thank God for my awesome youth pastor.. who went up not to give ministry, but to receive that ministry.. and i jus find him so humble and all.. but anyways.. tt made me step up i guess.. and on hindsight.. God's really showing me something eh? to put aside my pride and to jus come to God as i am.. cuz that's alr what He sees me as.. and as the person He's moulding me to become.

what bro charles prayed over me later on as i was sobbing in my seat after the altar call was that he felt God telling him that it was time for me to not jus become a river.. but a reservoir.. and he said something really cool.. and it was abt me being an encourager. thing is.. the night before and actually on other occasions, my sister has always been telling me that i seem to hv this direction in encouraging pp.. and while i've always jus acknowledged it.. i've never really owned it.. so ytd when bro charles prayed this over me.. it jus felt like.. hey.. this IS my calling.. somehow.. and i jus find it amazing that in such brokenness... i find something that's giving me new vision and direction.. furthermore.. i've jus read an internet devotional and it talked about how callings are irrevocable tho vocations may be.. so yeah.. ur vocations shld be shaped arn ur calling.. and that's jsu really interesting.. heh! =)

but ya.. i'm so so blessed by my family at church.. they've really been awesome. esther wee came to jus lay a hand on my shoulder and be with me as i was crying.. jan was really sweet and i got some hot chocolate after.. shereen came up and offered my tissue..joan stayed with me at the front till i was ready to go back and wow.. i'm jus so so amazed at the love that i see from everybody.. it's jus so good =) esther chan and becky have been simply awesome too.. the two of em released me from my evening et blast duty and i went up to svc.. i jus needed, still need and will always need the Lord's word in my life. and i tink that's what i've been neglecting the past month.. not going for services and getting in deep with Him does have effects on ur life.. it really really isn't the same as staying at home n jus getting ur Bible out.. tho that does work as well.. but it's really abt being in His presence where His people are when u're at svc.. it's awesome!

evening svc was POWER PACKED! and i've never felt stronger i tink.. except perhaps after encounter.. but i felt a strenght that i know, didn't come from me trying to rally myself up. but when ps miguel came and asked us to stand up and declare what the Bible said and to jus proclaim victory over our lives and the enemy.. it was jus so so so so powerful! and when i was there praising and worshipping God.. i knew that i was growing stronger.. and He was mending the pieces. all i know is that.. God's gonna answer what i ask for .. cuz that's whad is said in His word.. and i know that i heard God a lot ytd.. =) i know He's calling me Precious in His sight and that my heart matters to Him.. and ohhh! i forgot to say that the altar call during afternoon outreach was for a greater in-filling of His love in m y life.. and yeah.. tt's wheni realize i was running on empty.. cuz bitterness and unforgiveness was really bulding up in my heart.. so yeah.. it really takes a pouring out of His love into ur life to change ya.. and now i feel like.. wow.. i'm different on the inside! seriously man.. i dun even know how to say this but ya.. God's changed me... =)

ytd was jsu AWESOME! i'm so so glad i went for evening svc.. and thank God for sylvia who really jus came in at the right time as a reminder that i shld be getting to evening.. i tink if she didn't ask me if i was going.. i would've jus trudged off with daphne.. but yeah.. -hugs- thank you sylvia! God's using u real mightily! =)

and sat.. well..i jus wanna thank God for my sis and josh.. who've been great great people and sister and boyfren.. heh! =) we prayed on sat night quite a bit and i tink that paved the way for all that happened ytd.. yep..

theme song for the weekend:
divine exchange

my heart is captivated Lord

by You alone

captured by the awesomeness

of You alone

melted by the grace and mercy

you have shown

i stand in wonder

i reach to You

the one who makes the blind eyes see

who breaks the chains of sickness

with authority

restoring what was broken

so it may fly again

i live to worship you

i breathe to worship you
all of my days
Your face i will seek
for as i worship you
You bring me to that place
to that place
of divine exchange

i love You Jesus!!

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/25/2006 11:35:00 AM .

title: fly time fly

this sem is going by extraordinarily fast.. and i've been mentioning this to a few of my frens.. gosh! is it jus a yr 3/4 thing or is it a general NUS thing.. it seems like eveyr sem there's a new phenomenon going round and it jus affects e entire student population or something.. haha interesting eh? but ya.. i won't be surprised to find myself at the end of sem mugging for my papers and wondering where all the time went still.. this is jus crazy!

and yep.. today mummy jus told me abt what the plans are.. and well.. i dunno why but knowing that it's there in paper form now and not jus 'talk' or in discussion anymore makes it that much more real to me. and while i was eating my lunch, when the msg came in, i jus felt like crying and looking down and staring at my feet. i mean.. i was downstairs reading the papers la.. but reading the news jus made me feel like stopping wad i was doing and jus stone..

even after getting backt o my room i felt like crying.. and somehow i jus picked up the phone and msged josh asking if i could call him. thank God for great timing.. cuz he replied almost immediately saying that he jus finished a 3 hr meeting or something and was heading off to lunch. and gosh.. i'm so thankful for this guy.. he really really makes time for me.. and wow.. i'm jus so touched la. not only did he hear me out and got to hear my teary choked up voice, he actually came down to nus and.. while i kinda saw it coming.. he surprised me with the sheer speed at which he reached.. i mean.. one moment i was talking abt the oprah winfrey show i was watching and the next moment i get his msg saying tt he's downstairs and tt we're heading off to spinelli beside my hall. i tell u.. i love that guy! n its like we're jus growing into each other or something.. cuz we're knowing lil by lil each other's idiosyncracies and predictable patterns.. hahah and i'm lovin' wad i see la.. really jus enjoying the process.. that guy ar.. dun let him fool you with his straightface. harharhar.. there's more that lies beneath.. =)

managed to finish studying for my tests.. and tmr will be helping out with nus psyche agm.. but will prob leave early cuz of my test e next morning.. and while time is flying by... i jus can't help but wish for the week to be over. friday nite will be meeting mummy n jie to discuss our future plans.. and i dunno but i jus wanna get this on and out of the way somehow.. and tt means getting thru tmr, friday and the hooked meeting in the evening.. yep..

jus thank God i have great company surrounding me.. pp like hoho, shawn and shiying who are ever so understanding.. and yesh.. uncle rion.. i know u didn't mean it.. but u almost made me cry there! booo! =) lucky i never jus burst into tears there and den wor.. otherwise everybody will think u're e bad guy alr.. wahhaah.. but yesh yesh.. bro and sis yeah!

okie.. gotta prep for tmr's negotiation class.. sigh.. gotta get the journal entry done somehow.. and well.. =) i'll get thru.. looks like God's e only one that can get me thru.. He's in control of everything right now.. -hugs Him-

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/20/2006 09:31:00 PM .

title: out with mummy!

whee.. last nite went out for dinner with mummy and wow... super super nice. 1) cuz i miss her 2) cuz we went to walk walk and we saw some nice dresses 3) we had sushi tei for dinner 4) she brought stuff from my sis/home to me 4) i finally bought my gardenia raisin bread and she asked if i wanted to buy apples.. heh! so i bought lo.. heh heh so yeaah.. tt's a basic summary of wad happened last nite.. heh!

i realize i'm getting less kan cheong over my studies lo.. maybe i'm jus getting slack or the dance concert was a much needed break from my neuroticism over my grades and getting readings done on time. i feel so much more of a person now.. so much more of myself now that i'm like this. its like i dun feel so uptight anymore and i jus know things will work out somehow.. they always do... all thanks to this great and mighty God i serve and love! =) so yaay.. i'm back!!! -hugs self and hugs God-

they say that you grow the most thru tough times and i'd say that those few weeks before were pretty tough on me.. i tink pp could tell from my face that i looked tired and worn out most of the time. and its like i can't even smile or laugh properly lo.. now, i feel so good on the inside.. almost as if i've been scrubed clean.. but hmm.. i'm actually wondering.. am i wiser now that i've gone thru that tough time?? cuz somehow i dun feel like i've gained extra knowledge.. but den again.. maybe i've jus learnt a whole lot abt myself.. like how i'm like when i'm stressed etc and of cuz.. how God sovereignly provides no matter wad.. if anything.. i'm jus so glad that He's patient with me.. and how josh is too.. he's jus been such a super super blessing to me =)

but anyways.. i'm glad i'm feeling hte way i'm feeling. i guess i kinda found out why i was feeling so terrible the past few weeks. it was of cuz the fatigue of running here and there.. but it was also the lack of trust in God for supplying what i needed. and it was me seeking other sources to satisfy me rather than seeking God and tt jus emptied me out. i'm jus glad that the emptiness led me back to God..and wow.. He really is Life.. the waters for the thirsty and food for the hungry. praise You Jesus!! -beams-

oh oh.. i finally went for my first jog on campus on monday nite.. heh! was feelign fat after devouring an entire bag of chips.. and after eating it i jus felt like going for a run.. so off i went with my adidas shoes! and woaaah.. the shoes are good man.. i felt like i coudl jus keep running and running.. and in fact i prob wouldn't have stopped and gone ahead for a 2.4 run if it didn't start to drizzle a lil.. i figured that that was God's way of stopping me from over-exerting myself or something la. but wad was so awesome was that while it drizzled and while i ran back to the hostel, the song that was playing on my mp3 player was 'every season' by nicole nordeman.. and that is a super suepr nice song.. i love it! and i jus found it so relevant and so beautiful in the midst of the rain.. where i'm jus in God's presence.. His creation.. His love.. and wow.. words can't describe that warm fuzzy feeling inside and that deep knowledge that yes... He truly is God above all.. it's jus so wow... =)

and this makes me wanna run more at night..cuz the air is waaaay cooler plus you won't get so many stares and all cuz its darker and lesser pp are crazy enough to be on the track.. heh! i might jus get fitter after all.. heh! =)

alriteys.. time to get to my readings.. i'm behind em! ack! so good luck to me!! hahahahah

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/13/2006 11:48:00 AM .

title: out with mummy!

whee.. last nite went out for dinner with mummy and wow... super super nice. 1) cuz i miss her 2) cuz we went to walk walk and we saw some nice dresses 3) we had sushi tei for dinner 4) she brought stuff from my sis/home to me 4) i finally bought my gardenia raisin bread and she asked if i wanted to buy apples.. heh! so i bought lo.. heh heh

so yeaah.. tt's a basic summary of wad happened last nite.. heh!

i realize i'm getting less kan cheong over my studies lo.. maybe i'm jus getting slack or the dance concert was a much needed break from my neuroticism over my grades and getting readings done on time. i feel so much more of a person now.. so much more of myself now that i'm like this. its like i dun feel so uptight anymore and i jus know things will work out somehow.. they always do... all thanks to this great and mighty God i serve and love! =) so yaay.. i'm back!!! -hugs self and hugs God-

they say that you grow the most thru tough times and i'd say that those few weeks before were pretty tough on me.. i tink pp could tell from my face that i looked tired and worn out most of the time. and its like i can't even smile or laugh properly lo.. now, i feel so good on the inside.. almost as if i've been scrubed clean.. but hmm.. i'm actually wondering.. am i wiser now that i've gone thru that tough time?? cuz somehow i dun feel like i've gained extra knowledge.. but den again.. maybe i've jus learnt a whole lot abt myself.. like how i'm like when i'm stressed etc and of cuz.. how God sovereignly provides no matter wad.. if anything.. i'm jus so glad that He's patient with me.. and how josh is too.. he's jus been such a super super blessing to me =)

but anyways.. i'm glad i'm feeling hte way i'm feeling. i guess i kinda found out why i was feeling so terrible the past few weeks. it was of cuz the fatigue of running here and there.. but it was also the lack of trust in God for supplying what i needed. and it was me seeking other sources to satisfy me rather than seeking God and tt jus emptied me out. i'm jus glad that the emptiness led me back to God..and wow.. He really is Life.. the waters for the thirsty and food for the hungry. praise You Jesus!! -beams-

oh oh.. i finally went for my first jog on campus on monday nite.. heh! was feelign fat after devouring an entire bag of chips.. and after eating it i jus felt like going for a run.. so off i went with my adidas shoes! and woaaah.. the shoes are good man.. i felt like i coudl jus keep running and running.. and in fact i prob wouldn't have stopped and gone ahead for a 2.4 run if it didn't start to drizzle a lil.. i figured that that was God's way of stopping me from over-exerting myself or something la. but wad was so awesome was that while it drizzled and while i ran back to the hostel, the song that was playing on my mp3 player was 'every season' by nicole nordeman.. and that is a super suepr nice song.. i love it! and i jus found it so relevant and so beautiful in the midst of the rain.. where i'm jus in God's presence.. His creation.. His love.. and wow.. words can't describe that warm fuzzy feeling inside and that deep knowledge that yes... He truly is God above all.. it's jus so wow... =) and this makes me wanna run more at night..cuz the air is waaaay cooler plus you won't get so many stares and all cuz its darker and lesser pp are crazy enough to be on the track.. heh!

i might jus get fitter after all.. heh! =)

alriteys.. time to get to my readings.. i'm behind em! ack! so good luck to me!! hahahahah

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/13/2006 11:32:00 AM .

title: mummyyyyy... it's over!!!

arrr.. i can't believe the concert's officially officially over.. all the days that i spent hurrying fr office to school and later on from home to school and school to well.. school (fr. my room rather).. they've all come to an end. wow.. and tt's like a whole 3 months of practice done.. jus like that. in fact i didn't even realize that i'd spent that amt of time on dance till was talking to clara last nite and my gosh.. it's e length of a FULL SEMESTER! almost at least...

and last nite was good. EXCEPT that it was filled with some drama. let me explain.. and i tink it's something to do wif being in elkoha(our item choreographer's combined names.. we've come to be known by that.. heh!) cuz okay.. second nite, one of our girls hyperventilated in another item and fainted cuz she didn't eat before the dances. and last nite, after our pyramid stunt, one of our girls, Jenn, hit her chin on the stage and bled so much it dripped all over leaving what they said was a pool of blood on stage. so yeah.. our stage manager had to inform all e dancers to not be alarmed at e sight of blood on the dancefloor.. literally. we were all so worried.. and gosh.. it made me wonder.. what if it'd happen to me. and initially i was wondering like.. eh? didn't i pray for protection? and i realized that God had protected me so so much that nite cuz last nite my fall was prob the gentlest ever.. no feeling of impact whatsoever.. and i tink it was really His hand cushioning my fall. so yeah.. praise the Lord!! =) His hand was really with me!

mummy, jie, alvin, uncle simon and josh came last nite too! hahah an di'll admit tt i was a tad low on energy last nite.. and i jus kept tinking of em.. so i tink i didn't feel the music as much as the past 2 nites.. but it was good la.. executed the moves well i think.. but YEAH! it was so so nice to see jie and mummy again.. mummy actually teared a bit when she saw me cuz we haven't seen each other since sunday and i haven't gone home for the weekend yet.. it's gonna be this weekend ba.. =) but yeah.. i tink we might be moving this week oh.. so i dunno man.. but yeah.. nice to see em -hugs- i miss em too! seeing em jus makes me wanna go home too.. but.. today got group meeting.. so cannot la.. jus hv to stay in lo..

after mummy n uncle simon left, the 4 of us met up again (i went back to bathe and the other couple had a good time walking to my hall) and headed off to holland V. wahahah was feeling high and havoc.. but super super tired.. at the end of the day after our supper at crystal jade, i could barely open my eyes.. hahaha it jus kept closing.. hahaha.. poor josh.. had to support a sleepy girlfren.. heh! sorry dude! and this guy has been at overnite prayer meeting fri/sat, den it's a packed day consecutively.. i wonder how he does it. heh!

but this brings me to another thing.. i've really seen how God has stretched my time these past few days.. and wow! it jjus makes me wanna trust Him more and more.. and WOW! i love HIM! =) He's my awesome God and my strength.. truly.. i'm am super super blessed!! =)

-beams-

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/11/2006 10:46:00 AM .

title: Shut UP and Dance!

hahaha that's e title of our show for these past 3 days and now it's evolved into some catch phrase or something cuz we'll be so so noisy backstage that one of the seniors will jus go 'shut up' and everybody will say '... and DANCE!' hahahah so nonsense rite?!!

but honestly the concert's pulled a lot more pp together.. definitely. the dressing room sharing encounters and taking care of each other when we feel injured or when the others are shuttling to their next item.. i tink that's bonding for you. heh! =) while being at camp allowed me to know more pp from blast.. like dear anna who's been such a blessing to me.. this concert has really drawn me closer to the peeps there.. and yeah.. wad was cool was that on the first nite, opening nite, pat actually said a PRAYER.. for like eveyrbody. and it was e christian kinda prayer.. so i dunno how much of a christian is he.. it ain't my call to judge.. but i was rather pleased by it.. cuz God's presence came.. and i tink that it was cuz there were other believers arn who were praying together as well. i know i was =) so yeah.. tt was a VERY interesting experience the first nite.

thank God so far nothing's gone awfully wrong for me. God is faithful and when i prayed for protection and safety.. i know He's gonna give it to me=) praise Him! today was at service and we were singing 'indescribable' by chris tomlin and woah.. it jus etched a picture in my mind.. of God jus being so big and so above all my circumstances and situations. i'm glad i made it for service today.. didn't want to go actually cuz i thot.. jus stay in school all the way lo.. but i decided that.. hey.. why not? and plus i somehow couldn't sleep anymore once it hit 720am.. i tink God was waking me up. so in the end i arrived in church pretty early... like 940am and met my net at the lift landing. those wonderful pp actually prepared the booth for the carnival alr.. i'm so so proud of em! =) and they sold out all the stuff they'd bought.. so yays! happy for em.. today's youth sundy fo rus.. so worship was led by joel and simon who were great! and yeah.. the carnival was so so happening. i never knew the youth could yell and scream like tt.. they shld all go and join the baleno gang pp and yell for em lo. hahaha! and the food was awesome.. i had my lunch there and then. choc tarts, fried mars bar, choc marshmallows, fantastic pasta, kebabs, cool drinks and milkshakes, floats and of cuz our CHEEESY CHEEESY Hotdogs.. heh! it was a blast! =) i'm glad i was there. there really is no place like home and family..

speaking of home.. i was filling up the survey form there gave out at church today and when i reached the part where they asked for our address.. i honestly didnt know how to fill it up. cuz.. i mean.. where's home now? here at NUS? Bedok? Or Ang Mo Kio? hmm.. i mean.. i got the new add alr.. but this is the first itme i've been faced with changing my address and all tt stuff.. sighs.. so much admin change to do. but yeah.. and i feel kidna bad that this entire week i haven't been home. that nite my dad smsed me to ask if i was coming back and i updated him only den cuz i totally forgot abt how he wouldn't know anything if my sis and mum dun tell him stuff. i felt so so bad. and next week i tink, is when the move will take place.. so when i head 'home'.. it might not be bedok anymore.. and which means.. the last time i saw my dad would've been last sun.. -wails-

i really shld go home more.. nvm.. after this concert! once this is done.. i'll be free-er.. and hopefully.. hmm.. healthier.. heh! =)

tonite's e last nite of the concert.. and family + josh is coming! last nite WE and panpan were here.. and i'm so so blessed by them la.. WE made me a lovely photo frame with our photo inside and behind they wrote super super sweet msgs.. i love you GUYS! and ohh.. they also bought me a biiiiig green cushion for my room.. hahah so cool rite? =) panpan made my day when she said the dance was nice.. and it was so comforting to see her stnading at the entrance waiting for me when the gang headed off for supper first.. hahaha =) don't worry i understand the situation guys so yeah.. i'm jus as glad to meet ya all too! but pan.. wow.. my best fren for 9 years and counting.. i love you girl!! =) so so so glad that you could come.. -beams-

okie! shall have to prep soon..will leave my place at abt 445? den can do makeup and hair.. heh! must look more wild oh.. hahaha =)

wheeeee...

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/10/2006 03:46:00 PM .

my plastic bra strap broke today and thank God.. managed to improvise something out and well.. let's jus say that dance rehearsal ytd did not see a wardrobe malfunction. but wad's more amusing other than that lil juicy bit is that when i reached my room i saw the plastic wrapper that contained it before and it said "lifetime guarantee". i'm amused. =)

anyways i jus wanna thank God for His favour indeed! this week looks set to be filled with rehearsals and lotsa class skipping and guess what? what i thot to be 'missing out' on class has jus been lovingly provided by God somehow! =) praise the Lord! He reaaaally is a good God.. whee!

take CDA, prof chng rarely gives us lectures and notes but this time she actually gave us notes for her part of the class.. and tt's jus awesome la.. so now all i need to do is read and get extra info if need be. at least its not one of those fluid kinds of discussio where if u're not in.. u're lost.

next, for negotiation class, prof boyd actually gave me an alternative journal to do.. and to submit by tues midnite cuz he knew that my concert would run till sun and hence wouldn't hv the time to do it. so its jus so so cool that he's so understanding and all =) plus, he jus emailed me to ask if he could use my journal as an example of a good journal to show to the class. i feel so honoured by that lo!! and i know that it really is all God.. cuz the nite i did it i was super super tired and my brain jus died i tink. and it was really tough releasing it to God but wow.. it jus goes to show that release always pleases God and God NEVER EVER disappoints! =) thank You Daddy! Thank You Jesus! Thank You Holy Spirit! U're always there for me God.. how can i thank You enough?!

den for PR, raaj jus decided to put up webcast!!! YAY so this means that even tho i have to miss class this thur, i can actually watch lecture at my own time somehow.. yays! =) so wow ritE? I'm really really amazed at how God provides for me.. wow!!!

on other things tho, i'm feeling kinda torn inside cuz of the DR tix. there ain't enough to go arn!! and i know cheryl badly wants des to go but yet i promised pan tickets first and she cleared her day jus for me [lemme tell ya, this girl is waaaay busier than me lo!] so yeaah.. ethically, i shld jsu keep plans status quo.. but.. i wan my frens to be happy too.. if they're not happy den i won't be happy. and i could hear that slight tinge of disappointment in pan's voice when i said that if i couldn't pass it to her, i'd have to give it to des instead. so i jus decided there and then to stick to the original plan cuz tt's wad was agreed upon before other stuff came in. but as a result, des can't go and i'm afraid cheryl will feel left out. boo.. hate it when such things happen.. so i'm jus giving it to God right now.. i believe He has the best solution to it. somehow things will work out.. i'm sure..

another thing is i can't meet josh on mon as planned! cuz i hv to go for this gp meeting that they've reaaaally arranged for my sake cuz i totally can't make it this week.. so yeah.. i hv to go and i wanna go.. plus i hv to do my journal entry which is due on tues.. the next week looks set to be quite packed with assignments in a way cuz my reaction paper is also due that week. so yeah.. bummer.. but guess i hv other weeks la.. and the midsem break is coming too! -gasp- where did all the time go? it's amazing eh? how time flies..

and i tink my personality jus changed over the hols or something. its like i've gotten more serious and all - me and erjie were jus reflecting over this ytd. it seems like me and her have mellowed down a lil this sem as compared to ting and just who've jus skyrocketed! hahahah not tt its a bad thing. .but its jus amusing to see this =) haa. .guess the hols were a lil hard on us this time due to our various reasons ba.. (agreed erjie?)

anyways dunno if things will change later cuz it might jus be fatigue on my part la.. heh! somehow this sem's workign out to be quite tiring for me.. so yeah..gotta conserve energy lo =)

but of course, not on the things that matter! i've jus discovered what really makes me tick and its being arn pp.. being able to be significant. and this doesn't mean doing a whole lot of work materially.. but jus being .. well.. significant. there is a difference i realize. and i tink i really need to be spending a whole lot more time with people.. i haven managed to sit at the swaps table for stretches of time jus talking and soaking up the conversation.. haa.. so yeah.. after DR is over.. TIME will be back! =)

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/06/2006 11:29:00 AM .

this is interesting.. i'm hearing the song "yesterday" by the Beatles being belted out from some floor way up.. hahahaha and its like karaoke std! wahahah so tt's really interesting.. nice to see pp having fun =)

anyways jus back from helping pandora with her birthday stuff =) went down to the party venue and its really really nice! very artsy and wow.. very nice.. pan really has nice taste.. heh! and her uncle was so nice.. sent me back to campus and not to mention the enjoyable ride at the back of the lorry! i bet i've never mentioned this before but i simply LOVE sitting at e back of lorries.. cuz its jus so so nice and windy back there.. and its jus the free-ness of it all being unrestrained by seat belts and having a great view of the behind (heh!) guess it started with the time i helped my auntie and uncle move hse and i sat at the back of this mega long lorry alone! woohoooo! super fun la.. =) and i made frens with the passing motorcyclists and their pillion riders too.. heh... now who says singaporeans aren't frenly? you just have to probe em with a smile..

had a nice nap today in the afternoon.. tt is.. till the fogging began.. but by then it was time to get up.. and boy.. that nap did the trick.. i nv felt better! well at least for today la.. cuz i was so so zonked out from last nite doing my negotiation journal for submission today.. and for once i felt like sleeping in class even class today was super interesting.. in fact i find all my classes interesting.. so yeah.. i'm loving it!

but den i got thinking today abt all the activities i'm involved in.. and was telling josh that if i'm not careful.. i tink i'll get burnt out by everything.. i mean.. check this out..

ministry - kids, youth, creative/dance
ccas - hooked(lifestyle ed), dance blast, DR ic, netball recre and potentially vcf after dance and hooked take a slow decline..
and of course.. there's studies to manage as well.. and heh! can i call having a bf an extra activity? hahahah well.. its tt too!

and yeah.. i jus got thinking like.. woaaah.. how come i got so much stuff.. and yet all of these.. i dun wanna let go.. well.. maybe the netball and all but i mean..t alking abt existing stuff.. i tink its quite a lot and i'm feeling it big time now. and i dunno if its jus me or its a yr3 thing or maybe its me not leaving it up to God's hands enough.. but i'm feeling the heat a lil.. and i'm jus getting frustrated that i can't do my best for everythign because time is so short.. and here i am getting tired out cuz i'm maximising my time the best i can.. and i tink my attention span with frens and witht he pp tt matter to me has suffered a lil cuz of that..

which is what got me worried.. cuz i mean.. life ain't about material stuff.. its abt relationships and to me.. its the difference i'm making in People's life.. not the substantive issues at hand.. so yeah.. wake up call!!

so i jus confided all these in josh la.. and guess wad.. the dude said the best thing ever..

"i think you just need a break"

and i'm like.. "ya hor....."

so there i went.. taking my nap and i feel so good now even tho its been one packed day. i went for my hooked journo meeting jus now and it was a real good and productive one.. i enjoyed it =) i tink we've got a good team going and i'll say that the meeting made my day! heh! and i bumped into berner (my loong lost god-bro) and cynthia, his gf.. heh! was nice! and timely too esp since my mum asked me abt berner.. heh! so yeaah.. had a nice animated chat with em.. esp wif cynthia.. tt girl is so so sweet! i'm so happy for em.. and can u believe it.. they've been together 3 years alr!! WOAH!

afterwards it was jurong pt for me.. for some shopping.. heh heh.. i won't say for wad.. but yep.. did wad i needed to do.. and den met pan.. and the rest is as i've mentioned above..

heh! but i tink i'm slacking.. and to tink i was all flustered and stressed abt not beign able to do work.. heh.. somehow i'm jus not in the mood rite now.. and blah.. so ar well.. maybe i shld jus get going somehow.. la la la la

tmr: dance pract 2-6 and den pan's party 7-10.30! =)

i keep on walking took her pride away at 9/01/2006 11:25:00 PM .